Why I no longer "meditate"

& what I do instead

I have not meditated in months. “Meditated” as in sitting in silence, observing my thoughts, sensations, breath, whatever the object of attention is.

For years, it was a non-negotiable daily ritual. I attended extensive silent retreats and even traveled to Nepal to learn the practice from Buddhist monks. I was a meditation superfan. Apps, bells, groups, retreats. I was into all of it.

But over the past year, my mindfulness practice has evolved into something more effective (for me), embodied, and — dare I say — pleasurable.

A method of turning inward that not only helps cultivate focus and presence to counteract the dwindling attention spans of our generation (thank you tech), but one that also awakens the heart. A portal into the divine mystery and the magic of our humanity.

This magical tool is nothing new. It has existed for as long as humankind has existed. But unfortunately, as we evolved, we’ve grown disconnected from its essence. Essence that at the core is the most pure, human expression we have.

If you haven’t guessed it by now, I’m talking about music.

Where we used to enjoy hour-long, classical performances with undivided attention, we now experience concerts through the phone screen. 15-second TikTok clips dictate not only how music is consumed but how it is created.

When was the last time you listened to a piece of music with full presence, not doing anything in parallel?

Music is a powerful vehicle for the journey inward, but without presence, many of the benefits are foregone. Music can be psychedelic and is core to the psychedelic experience — a catalyst for many journeyers to listen with (amplified) presence.

I believe there is great potential to use music to cultivate presence and connection within. As such, it has become my most important integration practice (and I know from at least a few of you that you feel the same way).

Of course, it is not my intent to trash traditional meditation. It is an incredible tool that helps many. But not everyone can get into it, and some people, like me, grow out of it. This inward practice is an alternative, or perhaps even a supplement.

I no longer meditate in silence, I journey with music.

Now, I ask you to lay aside any association you may have with “meditation music”. Bells. Sound bowls. Wind chimes. White noise. A flowing river.

The music I journey with is nothing like that. It is not background music, the music is the object of attention. It is immersive and leaves little space for the mind to wander.

Today, I’d like to introduce you to one such music journey created by my wonderful partner. Sam has been making music for the past two decades and is merging his background as a classical composer and pianist with his electronic producing and film scoring experience to create pieces of art that re-infuse music with its essence.

At the guidance of the powerful plant spirit Iboga (a story for another time), he has created a few pieces with specific intentions, combining evocative electro-acoustic compositions with various meditation and breathwork techniques. Below you’ll find one such practice.

Here’s a magical 6-minute listening practice

The instructions are simple:

Make sure you’re in a quiet, comfortable spot. Close your eyes and listen with headphones (a must!).

You’ll hear a piano note from the beginning which will continue throughout the whole six-minute composition. The piano is your anchor. Place your attention on the piano note and return it whenever it drifts.

Listen here:

How was your experience? How easy was it to remain present? Did anything come up? I’d love to hear about your experience.

We have a few more of these, some involve breathwork to regulate the nervous system and induce relaxation and sleep, others have affirmations embedded in them. If you’re eager for more, please let me know and I will figure out a way to make them available.

“Music is the mediator between the life of the senses and the life of the spirit.” – Ludwig van Beethoven