“Ouuuuf” is right. The response from ChatGPT hit me SO hard. I do get into self sabotage mode constantly, and I’m now realizing it’s because I don’t think I’m worthy. I’m a product of alcoholism, mental illness, and physical/emotional abuse and unfortunately this effects of these diseases will always be with me. I stayed in toxic relationships for way too long, and it wasn’t until I stopped playing the victim and realized that I was the common denominator. If I wanted my life situation to change, I had to put in the work on myself. Through a 12 step program I am finally understanding that the only person I have control over is myself. It has changed my life and am in a much healthier place. However, when things start to feel “too good” , boy am I a master at finding ways to cause tension and turmoil. It’s 100% a defense mechanism. Thank you for this and for your vulnerability. It feels amazing to be seen and heard, and I am so grateful the reminder that I am worthy of love and joy (literally) no matter what. 🫶🏼
Melanie, thank you so much for your open and vulnerable share. I'm so inspired to hear about the progress you've already made. And I would also like to suggest the possibility that the "effects of these diseases" may not always "stay with you" as you said... this is coming from someone who has overcome addiction, PTSD, depression, and toxic relationships, and is now living symptom free. It is very possible if you address the root causes - which it sounds like you are in the process of doing! It's not an easy path but it is very very possible. These behaviors are not life sentences, they are survival responses that one way or another were very necessary and protected us. But even before everything is healed, we are very deserving of love and joy as you said 😇
So much in here hit… especially the part about getting grumpy right after naming how good things are. That one’s sneaky. I’ve seen it a lot post-journey too—like some old version of us gets scared it might be safe to let things be good. The ego’s kink is wild.
“Ouuuuf” is right. The response from ChatGPT hit me SO hard. I do get into self sabotage mode constantly, and I’m now realizing it’s because I don’t think I’m worthy. I’m a product of alcoholism, mental illness, and physical/emotional abuse and unfortunately this effects of these diseases will always be with me. I stayed in toxic relationships for way too long, and it wasn’t until I stopped playing the victim and realized that I was the common denominator. If I wanted my life situation to change, I had to put in the work on myself. Through a 12 step program I am finally understanding that the only person I have control over is myself. It has changed my life and am in a much healthier place. However, when things start to feel “too good” , boy am I a master at finding ways to cause tension and turmoil. It’s 100% a defense mechanism. Thank you for this and for your vulnerability. It feels amazing to be seen and heard, and I am so grateful the reminder that I am worthy of love and joy (literally) no matter what. 🫶🏼
Melanie, thank you so much for your open and vulnerable share. I'm so inspired to hear about the progress you've already made. And I would also like to suggest the possibility that the "effects of these diseases" may not always "stay with you" as you said... this is coming from someone who has overcome addiction, PTSD, depression, and toxic relationships, and is now living symptom free. It is very possible if you address the root causes - which it sounds like you are in the process of doing! It's not an easy path but it is very very possible. These behaviors are not life sentences, they are survival responses that one way or another were very necessary and protected us. But even before everything is healed, we are very deserving of love and joy as you said 😇
So much in here hit… especially the part about getting grumpy right after naming how good things are. That one’s sneaky. I’ve seen it a lot post-journey too—like some old version of us gets scared it might be safe to let things be good. The ego’s kink is wild.
Glad to hear it resonated, Alice! The mind is sneaky and wild, you are right.