Nicole's Journey: 3 Questions
A vegan chef and energetic channel reflects on her journey with plant medicine and reveals why it's "far more beautiful and profound than it can ever be scary"
I first met Nicole at an ayahuasca ceremony and was immediately struck by her presence. A real-life mermaid, with long, vibrant red waves and pastel-colored, flowy dresses, she takes everyone’s breath away with her vegan feasts — the daily highlight during ceremony weekend. Nicole isn’t just a chef, though. At night, she transforms into a guardian angel and holds beautiful space for people to process their experiences empathically and energetically.
Nicole is also an author and founder of The Martha Project, a non-profit that provides healthy vegan meals to the houseless community in LA. I wish you could meet Nicole, but I guess reading her story is as close as we’ll get for now. Enjoy.
How did your journey with psychedelic medicine begin?
I was curious about specifically Ayahuasca for several years throughout my mid-30s. I’d never taken any psychedelics and didn’t know anyone who had any contacts until I dated a gentleman who’d sat with shamans in Los Angeles and had extremely profound experiences. This reinforced my calling.
At the time, I was absolutely broke and had no way to pay for a ceremony. But when it’s your time, it’s your time. A few weeks later, the gentleman I’d been seeing mentioned that one of the shamans lost his chef last minute. We connected to see if I could fill in for the weekend. As a vegan chef with a background in the culinary arts, I was a perfect fit for the ceremony. The stars were aligning and I was confirmed to cater the retreat that started the next morning. Despite perfect excuses to back out, and my car being stolen two hours before, I was committed. Nothing would deter me from attending. A close friend picked me up and drove me to the ceremony.
As soon as I met the shaman I knew he was the man I was going to have my first medicine experience with — I felt safe and calm in his presence. That weekend, I was introduced to a space where I could fully be myself. I connected with a loving community and had profound realizations and healings. I finally began the real work that would transform my life. I guess I did a good job with the food too — by the end of the ceremony, the shaman came up to me and asked “so, are you on the team now?” With tears in my eyes, I said “yeah, I’m on the team” and my life was forever changed. I’ve been cooking and serving as a guardian and space holder for ceremonies for the past five years now.
What's been the biggest gift you've received from this work? What tangible impact have these journeys had on your life?
There are so many gifts, they’re hard to pinpoint. When starting with the medicine I suffered from advanced PTSD. My symptoms are minimal now, almost completely gone. I also healed from suicidal depression. I’ve gained a deep understanding of my unconscious behavioral patterns that were subconsciously sabotaging my happiness and preventing my life from moving forward in a healthy and productive way.
The medicine helped me come to peace with my childhood and my trauma — understanding that I chose it, all of it, for the highest evolution of my soul. I now understand that there is no such thing as “victimhood”. I know how to accept and let go. I learned how to surrender. I opened up to my healing powers, launched a non-profit and a healing practice — and I’m no longer broke.
Most powerfully though, I have a deep understanding and peace around who I am. I know myself and that has gifted me with an incredible amount of confidence and freedom in which to experience this life more fully and beautifully. I’ve left toxic relationships and friendships. My self-esteem and self-worth have skyrocketed. I’ve developed new connections that are truly nurturing for my heart and soul with beautiful people that keep me accountable and help me to continue to grow, supporting me in the moments when it’s challenging and celebrating me in the moments I thrive.
What do you wish everyone understood about psychedelic medicine?
I wish people understood the power of psychedelic medicines and released themselves from the fear.
To fully explain this, I’d like to differentiate between drugs and medicines. A drug is something that is a Band-Aid, it treats symptoms or masks them but doesn’t heal the root cause of the symptoms. Hence, you’re required to continue taking the drugs. A true medicine will heal you — at some point, you’ll no longer require it. This is why Ayahuasca is a medicine and not a drug.
People are so fast to hop on antidepressants or any pharmaceutical prescription without weighing the risks and long-term side effects. Jumping on pharmaceuticals often prevents us from taking a deep look at why symptoms are here in the first place. One of the reasons I think people have so much fear around psychedelics is because they’re actually terrified to look at themselves.
The shadow work that psychedelics can bring you to is some of the scariest material that one may ever have to face, the truth about who you are. It’s brave work and I believe it’s the real work. Psychedelics have the power to show you your unconscious mind, they show you yourself so you can heal. I wish people understood that the journey is far more beautiful and profound than it can ever be scary. I feel that psychedelics are the universe’s way of saying, “life’s complicated and you have a limited amount of time here… let me help you out”.
You can find Nicole Derseweh on Instagram and learn more about her work on her website. Nicole also wrote the top-selling “Vegan Ketogenic Diet Cookbook”. If you want to learn more about Nicole’s non-profit and are interested in volunteering, you can learn more about The Martha Project here.
Great description about the difference between drugs and medicines.