How do you become whole?

On letting go vs. letting in

It’s time to let go of everything you don’t like about yourself. The self-demeaning chatter. The resentments. The envy. The shame and insecurities. Just eat some mushrooms and you’ll be able to let all of it go. You’ll be a new person, unburdened, rebirthed. Happy and whole. Or so the story goes.

The narrative of letting go is deeply embedded in the psychedelic experience — for good reason. Journeys are, in many ways, about letting go. Letting go of beliefs, attachments, emotions, and energies that no longer serve you. The dangers of misconception arise, however, when you assume letting go is a one-time act.

Let’s say the medicine shows you that you’ve had a subconscious belief that you’re not good enough. It teaches you that this belief is false and reminds you of the opposite — your divine, infinitely perfect nature. You come out of your journey elated. Finally, you can let go of this limiting belief. Enough with the not-enoughness! You float around on your newly found cloud of self-esteem.

Until something happens. Days, weeks, months, perhaps years later, you fall back into self-loathing and doubt. Maybe your partner left you. Or you lost a job. Or you disappointed a friend. Or you gained a few pounds. Here you are, back at square one. Still a lost cause, hopelessly broken, worthless. You fear you’ll always be this way.

I have good and bad news for you. The bad news is that in some ways, you will be. The good news is that there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. It doesn’t need to be a cause for fear or despair. There’s an alternative approach that can save you much of your suffering.

Rather than letting go of the parts that hold your pain, practice letting them in.

In your journey, through parts work, or even in regular therapy, you’ve discovered a part of you that was exiled. It carries limiting beliefs and painful emotions, such as shame and aforementioned not-enoughness. Rather than aspiring to let go of all of it everywhere all at once, and shaming yourself later for failing to do so, consider shifting your focus to letting it in.

Your exiled parts will always be a part of you. All humans have a wounded inner child. You’ll never let go of your inner child. Feeling insecurity and shame is part of the human experience and not inherently problematic. Suffering only occurs when you think you shouldn’t feel this way anymore. You overlay the primary emotion with judgment, which intensifies and prolongs the emotional experience.

Healing occurs not when you let go of your most raw, vulnerable parts and the beliefs they hold but when you change your relationship with them. You change your relationship with them by integrating them into your inner constitution. You create a warm, loving place for them in your heart and let them know that they no longer have to live in isolation. You validate them and cultivate a compassionate voice towards whatever is arising.

When a wounded part shows up, you may tell it: I understand why you’d think you’re broken and undeserving of love. You had every right to form that belief. But it’s just a belief. I’m here to affirm that I love you just as you are.

You learn to replace shame with compassion. And when that doesn’t work, you learn to simply hold the shame. This is the work of reparenting. This is the work of integration.

You become whole by recognizing you already are, and by recognizing that there are parts of you that will always hold the pain of separation. When you learn to hold these polarities, you will find freedom.

When I showed this illustration to my boyfriend he excitedly blurted out, “This is how I felt on MDMA!”. Have you experienced what’s depicted above? When and where is it easy, and when and where has it been hard?

〰️ This podcast exposes what happens when the surrender mindset in psychedelic therapy becomes problematic

〰️ An interesting peak into emerging mental health paradigms from

Zach Haigney

〰️ This incredible chart shows the wide range of psychedelic treatments in the pipeline for FDA approval

〰️ Learn more about the different parts within you and how parts work can support psychedelic integration

“There is no completion to what you’re becoming, so you have to make yourself feel at ease about the eternal incompletion that is you.” — Joseph Campbell