From the middle of the lake
A personal update, 2025 highlights, and what's ahead
Happy new year! If you’re new here, every year I do a little recap in honor of The Journey’s anniversary (she just turned four!). Read on for a brief personal update, top articles of the year, best books I read, and more.
Also, final reminder that our annual challenge kicks off today. Join us for 21 days of devotion with daily poetry and journaling prompts to begin the year in deep connection to yourself. More details here.
I burned out (again)
A little over a year ago, I was on my last leg heading into the holidays. I’d booked a week-long Airbnb in the desert to do nothing but noodle. This was preceded by an intervention from my boyfriend who told me I could not “keep going like this.” Fast forward twelve months later and… I kept going like this. Not only did I keep going, I went even further. 2025 was a rollercoaster.
Two months ago, my nervous system gave in and my outlook tanked. Integrating Iboga—a powerful plant medicine experience which brought to the surface every hidden belief—also didn’t make things easier.
The tricky thing about “burnout” is that you only realize you’re knee-deep when you’re in the middle of the lake, shore out of sight. There’s no denial. You’re too tired to get back. You didn’t even realize how far you were drifting. I’m still in the process of digging up the roots. I am not writing to you from the other side, I am writing to you from the middle of the lake.
When I burned out previously at my consulting job working 80 hour weeks in a high-stress environment, it was easy to point to the environment. But that’s not the case this time around. Most of my work is self-driven and self-paced. There’s no way to deny it: it’s me. I brought this upon myself. The roots are in my mind.
We don’t just burn out because we work too much but also because we don’t work enough on the things that light up our soul (which, for me, includes writing to you). I also did work too much. This year brought the surface all the ways in which I do not yet trust the universe (or myself) and overwork to distract myself from fears. I’m still learning how to allow fate to unfold without my constant efforts to steer it.
On the bright side, this experience has pushed me into a much needed phase of rest and reflection. I also made some choices. I took several weeks off from work. I left the city and put all my belongings into storage, at last admitting to myself that my bones have been craving wilderness and a slower pace of life for a long time. After some family time in Montana, I am now in Canada to explore a few small BC mountain towns, still sleeping ten hours a night.
One thing I know for sure is that I will devote much more time to The Journey this year. I have several half-finished articles sitting in my drafts that I’m excited to share with you. If you also write and are interested in collaborating, feel free to reach out!
Launching and iterating Atoon 🎶
One highlight this year has been launching the first version of our music-wellness app Atoon, which was incepted on Substack. Some users have called it a music-induced psychedelic experience and while it doesn’t replace a psychedelic journey, it does many of the things psychedelics do: it quiets the mind, evokes emotion, and helps you access deeper levels of consciousness. We’ve begun measuring its effect on brainwaves and the results have been quite mind-blowing.
We’ve gotten amazing early feedback (thank you if you contributed!!!). At the same time, developing and marketing an app has been a huge learning curve. Especially for something that’s not easily put into words—which is the whole point. It took quite some time to understand what exactly we’re creating. But we know a lot more than a year ago, and so we’re currently working on the second version. If you’re interested in joining a closed beta group to be part of the process and help us shape the app, just hit reply!
Some highlights from this year — articles, books, media
Top 5 articles on The Journey
For the ones who feel everything. A survival guide for the highly sensitive.
The cost of crying on ChatGPT’s shoulder. Spoiler: this is not about the environment.
36 hours with Iboga. The story of my encounter with the “Mount Everest” of psychedelics.
The lost art of deep listening. How dopamine culture eroded the spirit of music.
In defense of the little life. Exploring the places where joy hides.
Top 4 books I read this year
The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control. This has been on my reading list for a while, and I wish I hadn’t waited so long. If you consider yourself a perfectionist in any shape or form, do yourself a favor and read this book.
The Bell Jar. I liked Sylvia Plath’s auto-biographical novel about living with the undercurrent of depression so much I wrote a whole essay about it.
When Things Fall Apart. Another one that’s been on my radar for years. I never felt like things were falling apart in the last few years… until recently. The title is misleading though. If you want to learn to be with what is, this is a rewarding read. "Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth," Pema Chödrön writes.
The Big Leap. Another classic on transcending limiting beliefs and conquering your fear. I also shared some reflections on reaching “your upper limit” here (and why I hated this book the first time I tried to read it).
Top 3 pieces of media I consumed
TIME: To Scale. A 10-minute YouTube video on building a scale model of time that left me in nothing but awe.
The Last Invention. A brilliant and well-produced exploration of what the impending age of AI has in store for us.
The art of discomfort. An encouraging TED talk on the realities of creative endurance.
Top 2 Substack articles I read
How social media shortens your life. A shocking, well-researched exploration of how doomscrolling affects our perception of time and memory. Motivated me to delete everything again this month. (On a similar note, this guy did brain scans before and after deleting all social media and the results were equally` shocking.)
The hunger to be everything. Explores how we disappear chasing lives that aren’t ours. The writing is unbelievable.
As part of my 2026 intentions, I’m keen to be much more intentional about my media consumption. More reading, less socials. More long-form, less short-form. I’m considering sharing a monthly resource round-up again, is that something you’re interested in?
That’s it for this year’s recap.
I’m curious what’s on top of mind for you, and if you have any themes or topics you’d be interested for us to explore here in the near future?
More from my universe
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Download my free psychedelics beginners guide or integration workbook
I'm fucking brilliant and evolved, and I've been in the middle of the lake many a time, at the bottom, and floating on top. I love your honest account of what a well-lived, and messy, life looks like. Blessed 2026!!! Keep going, you're doing great! ♥️
Sorry to hear about the burn-out, sounds like you are working through it mindfully. All the best with finding a healthy, slow-living community in BC!